My courage failed me
by Joker 990
Summary: Blaine Anderson has his own story. His old school, how he come out, his family, his time at Dalton, how did he felt when he met Kurt... so much to tell, get prepared.  Rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

"What's up sissy boy?" the whisper in his ear made him jump, slightly "exactly how I expected, scared and queer as always" he bite his lower lip, Anthony Hopkins was bigger than him and stronger than him, he was the captain of the hockey team, it was not a good idea to say something to insult him. "Now, go and sit somewhere else, you're infecting the air near me."

"I got here first" the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Move, Anderson" Anthony said, crunching his knuckles, the black haired boy took a deep breath.

"No" he said, looking into Hopkins's eyes "I sat here first."

"I'm warning you fag, move or I'll move you" but Blaine didn't move "you fucking queer, I told you to move!" the bigger boy yelled, everyone in the cafeteria look at them "I want this table for me and the team, move your sissy ass out of that chair!"

"Look for another table, I got here first" Blaine said, he was surprised of his attitude as much as the hockey player.

"I warned you fagot" he growl, he took the red tray in which Blaine lunch was and throw it right into his clothes, some people off the cafeteria laugh, the others ignored them. "Are you going to fuck up now?" Blaine looked at his clothes, they were completely ruined; he could never get the 'special sauce' out of them.

"I told you I got here first, look for another place, asshole "

"How did you call me?" Blaine swallowed; he couldn't believe he has just said that out loud "I asked you something"

"I said, look for another table, asshole" Blaine repeated, his hands shake a little, but he managed to control them.

"Yeah, that's what I thought" Blaine had no time to react, Anthony's fist hit him right into his face, he fell down the chair, hitting his head with the floor "you fucking faggot, how dare you to insult me you piece of shit"

Blain felt dizzy, his face hurt. He got up the floor just to see the whole hockey team had gather around him, Anthony had a smile in his face, a malicious smile. The boy looked around, there were no teachers near and the people in the cafeteria wouldn't help him, he knew that.

"Know you're not that brave, are you queer?" Anthony said; Blaine didn´t answered "let me teach you how to respect your superiors" the bigger boy throw his fist against Blaine, but this time the boy avoided it. Anthony got even more furious and with his friends help they trapped the boy.

"Hey! Get off me!" he shouted, trying to get rid of the players grip, but he was shorter and weaker than them, so he couldn't so he was dragged outside the cafeteria, nobody moved, it was like if nothing had happened there, they just let it slide.

"You should know this freak, we don't like you…" Anthony whispered pushing Blaine into the lockers "we don't wanna see you around, so keep your weirdness away" the hockey player opened a locker and put Blaine in it "have fun fagot!" Anthony said and before Blaine could stop him he shot the locker.

"Get me outta here!" the black haired boy yelled, hitting the locker's door "open the door!" the tears fill his eyes , he couldn't believe he was trapped in a locker, just because he defend himself from a bully, it just wasn't fair.

Why couldn't he be himself without being bullied? Why did he need to hide just because he was afraid someone would punch his face? Why did he have to deal with all the insults? What was so wrong about him? Was it so bad to be gay?

The tears fell through his cheeks, the sobs escaped from his lips as he punched the locker's door desperately, but no one helped him, because they didn't care, they didn't give a damn about the bullies, no one cared about the homophobia in the school, no one…

Blaine stopped hitting the locker and started crying in silence, covering his mouth with his hand to kept the sobs from been heard, he wanted to stay there forever, at least in that locker he would be save, no bullies, no insults, no pain, no fear.

_Hey, slow it down whataya want from me__  
><em>_Whataya want from me__  
><em>_Yeah I'm afraid, whataya want from me__  
><em>_Whataya want from me_

He started singing to himself, searching for some kind of comfort , the comfort no one gave him, the comfort no one _cared_ giving him, cause no one knew what it felt like to be _alone_, to be bothered for who they were.

_There might have been a time__  
><em>_when I would give myself away__  
><em>_Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn__  
><em>_but now, here we are so whataya want from me__  
><em>_Whataya want from me_

He sang in almost a whisper, the tears kept falling down his cheeks. There was a time, when he had just come out of the closet that he would gave himself away, feeling free for first time because he could be himself. Once he didn't care if the hockey players calling him horrible names, but now it hurt so much.

_Just don't give up I'm workin it out__  
><em>_Please don't give in, I won't let you down__  
><em>_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

His voice sounded broken as he sang to himself in the darkness of the locker, he could feel the tears falling, he wanted to stopped them but he couldn't. He took a deep breath, swallowed, and then he continued to sing:

_Just keep coming around__  
><em>_Hey, whataya want from me__  
><em>_Whataya want from me__  
><em>_Whataya want from me_

He sobbed, whipping the tears away, he needed to calm down. He had to stay strong.

_Yeah, it's plain to see __  
><em>_that baby you're beautiful__  
><em>_and there's nothing wrong with you_

He was beautiful, he was. He had always felt good in his own skin that was something he'd like about himself; he was one in the group of teenagers that felt right.

_It's me, I'm a freak __  
><em>_but thanks for lovin' me__  
><em>_Cause you're doing it perfectly_

But still he felt so bad, all those nasty words had broken into him, making a part of him believe he was weird, he was a monster. And again the other part yelled at him that all those horrible things people said weren't true.

_There might have been a time__  
><em>_when I would let you slip away__  
><em>_I wouldn't even try__  
><em>_but I think you could save my life_

Blaine hold on to that feeling, he wasn't wrong, he was not a freak, he wouldn't let himself went into a deep depression just because some assholes were bulling him, he needed to save himself from the pain, because he was the only person he could count on.

_Just don't give up I'm workin' it out__  
><em>_Please don't give in, I won't let you down__  
><em>_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

He was alone and he had to get used to that, he couldn't give up. He had to stay strong, he had to prove every one that he felt right, that he was who he was and that was just fine.

_Just keep comin around__  
><em>_Hey, whataya want from me __  
><em>_Whataya want from me _

But what would he do? How could he stop the pain and the fear? How was he supposed to manage all this shit?

_Just don't give up on me__  
><em>_I won't let you down__  
><em>_No, I won't let you down_

He would talk, he would talk to the school board, then they would do something to stop the bullies, he would walk through this with the school board, they would care, they should care.

_Just don't give up__  
><em>_I'm workin it out__  
><em>_Please don't give in,__  
><em>_I won't let you down__  
><em>_It messed me up __  
><em>_Need a second to breathe__  
><em>_Just keep coming around__  
><em>_Hey, whataya want from me_

No, he wouldn't give up, he wouldn't he would be brave, he would have _courage_. Blaine breathe, _courage _yeah, that was going to be his new dogma, his new lifestyle.

_Just don't give up I'm workin' it out__  
><em>_Please don't give in, I won't let you down__  
><em>_It messed me up, need a second to breathe__  
><em>_Just keep coming around__  
><em>_Hey, whataya want from me__  
><em>_whataya want from me __  
><em>_whataya want from me_

He sang the last lines putting his heart on them, he made the promise of moving on, to make anything he needed to do to feel good, to be comfortable. He started punching the door again and again, he had to get out.

"Hey! Open the door!" he shouted "Get me out of here!" he kept hitting the cold door of the locker, pushing it with his shoulder, kicking it, punching it, trying to get out of that damn locker, he looked at his watch, he had been trapped for half an hour.

"Wait a second buddy, I'll get you out" said a voice outside the locker, he recognize it as the janitor, an old man with grey hair and mustache "Just a second" Blaine waited, then the door opened the light hurt his eyes after all the time in the dark locker.

"Thanks…" he said with a little smile in his face

"Welcome…hey kiddo, if I might ask why you were in there?"

"A bully, he wanted me to move, but I got the table first" Blaine explained, he sighed "then the stupid hockey team locked me in there" he said, passing his hand through his curly hair

"You stand up to that big guy?" the janitor looked at him with surprise "That takes a lot of courage, but, little dude, don't get confused there's a thin line between courage and stupidity, remember that."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"They locked me in a locker" he explained anger in his voice "And you are not doing anything?"

"There are no proofs…"

"The janitor locked me out!" Blaine almost yelled, he was explaining the bullying he had been suffering to the principal, but the old man didn't seem to care or believe him "they called me fagot, queer, sissy boy, they are always pushing me around, then they locked me in that freaking locker and you aren't doing anything? You won't punish them?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Anderson but I can't" the principal Johnson said, putting his hands together and resting them in the desk "no one so the aggression, so it's your word against all the hockey team"

"I'm not lying!" he was now on his feet, completely annoyed "don't you see the bruise in my eye? It's the big purple thing!" he pointed to his own face, the principal didn't react, he just shook his head and told him once again that was not enough "they are homophobic bullies, they can hurt someone, if you don't stop them know…"

"I don't need your advice, Mr. Anderson" the principal interrupted him, looking at him over his round glasses "I've been a teacher for 30 years; I know how to do my job"

"Then do it! Don't sit there pretending everything is ok" the black haired boy took his backpack from the chair he was sitting in "they are ignorant, they're violent and they can really hurt me just because they don't like who am I"

He leaved the principal's office, irritated. He just couldn't believe that Anthony and his friend would go free of any punishment. It was just wrong. But what else could he do? He sighed, maybe he could talk to the school board, but if they thought the same way as he principal did it would be a waste of time.

Talking about this to his parents wasn't an option, they were too busy to care and if they knew the problem was that he was harassed because of his sexuality the problem would just get bigger, his parents had never fully accepted him and he didn't want to make their relationship worse.

So he was alone, again.

"Damn it…" he whispered, Anthony was waiting by his car, with a malicious look in his dark brown eyes.

"Sissy boy, I saw you with Johnson, what did you told him?"

"None of your business" he said, Blaine tried to enter into his car, but Anthony didn't let him

"Anderson, understand this" he said, putting his arm between the boy and the car "no one and I mean not a soul" he emphasize "cares about you, you are a fucking queer! No one likes you!"

The words went into Blaine's heart like if they were knifes, hurting him really deep, and the hockey player didn't seem to notice the damage he was making, the terrible and irreparable harm he was doing, how those word get into Blaine, how alone he was making him feel, how useless, worthless, invisible…

"Go away Anderson, for your own good" the boy said, then he walked away, pushing Blaine as he did.

The other boy got into his car in silence, lost in his thoughts he drove home and it that silence he felt something inside him breaking, and that something would be very difficult to fix, maybe he couldn't fix it at all.

He parked in front of his house and in the same sad silence, he entered to his home. His parents weren't there, they were probably working, they were always working. He didn't mind, it was better that way, he knew that his mother didn't like the fact that he was gay, she hated that part of him, so they didn't talk unless it was really necessary. On the other hand, his father had "accepted" him, even though he was always trying to make him date girls.

Still he loved them both and he knew that if he asked them a school change they would agree, without asking, so it would be easy, he would go away, he would find a better school, he would run away… he just couldn't handle it any more.

And as he took off his shoes and got into his bed he knew one thing: his courage failed him.


	3. Chapter 3

"No" his mother said, looking at the laptop in front of her "you have no good reason and about to finish the school year"

"But mother…" Blaine sighed; his mother looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

" No buts, give me a good reason and I'll think about it" Blaine looked at his hands on the table, he didn't have the courage to tell his mother that he was being bullied, it was so embarrassing, he couldn't defend himself from those jocks "you see? No good reason, now go to school, you don't want to be late"

Blaine got up from the table, took his jacket, and went out of the house and into his car. He thought his parents would agree without question, they normally did, when he asked them to buy a new car-because the jocks in the school had writer the word faggot over it-they agreed, when he asked for money to change his whole wardrobe –because most of it was ruined for all the trips to the garbage-they agree, even when he asked for money to redecorate his room they agree and now they asked for a reason.

Well, he was not going to tell them the true, he wouldn't tell them he was shoved into a locker every day, he was not going to tell them how many times people call him faggot, sissy or queer, he wouldn't say a thing about being thrown into the trash can or the horrible feeling he got when he was alone in the parking lot.

"Just four more months and you can change, just four months" he said to himself as he parked, he sighed and got out if the vehicle, he walk towards the school without a problem, he even got to his locker with no insults yelled at him.

"Hi, Blaine!" someone said behind his back, he jumped in his place slightly.

"Elliot, don't do that again"

Elliot Nicolson was a red haired boy, green eyes and pale skin; he was Blaine's best friend and the other openly gay guy in the school.

"Sorry, I scared you?" Blaine took out the books he needed for the next class ignoring his friend "I hear what happened yesterday" the boy said looking at his friend's face "you make up the bruise pretty well"

"I couldn't let my mom see it" the black haired boy closed his locker door and started walking down the hall "but it still hurts like hell"

"Why couldn't you just leave the table?"

"Because I got there first" Elliot rolled his eyes "I'm getting tired of being so submissive"

"Blaine, they hate us" the red haired boy at his side said "and no one is going to help the gay guys, please, for your sake and mine, don't provoke them"

"I didn't Elliot, they just…" Blaine sighed entering to the classroom, seating in the back beside the window, his friend sat next to him, he looked at him worried, Blaine was his only friend in the school, the two openly gay kids and he didn't want him to be hurt.

Blaine was the reason he stayed in the school, even when he wanted to get transferred. The boy was his best friend, he listen to him, he make him feel safe, he defend him from the bullies even when that meant he would get the worst part.

Elliot knew that Blaine's live was even more difficult, at least he had parents that cared about him and that accept he was gay, he had a safe place to go after school but Blaine had an empty house and his music. Elliot tried to be with his friend as long as possible, to make him feel he was not completely alone, that someone cared about him.

But the things were getting worst.

"Blaine, have you ever think of…getting transferred?" he asked, his friend looked at him with surprise "this school is jut to unsafe."

"I have" Blaine admitted, looking at his text book "in fact, I've asked my parents…they say no"

"What? Have you told them why you want to transfer" Blaine's silence was the answer, no he hadn't "Blaine you have to"

"I don't" the boy looked at him "I can't and I just have to wait until the year is over, then they'll let me transfer"

"Blaine, I'm worried" Elliot confess, putting a hand in the other boy's shoulder "the school is getting unsafe, you know that" Blaine looked at the floor, feeling the tears in his eyes "we need to go before is too late"

"You can go Elliot, but I can't" the black haired boy looked up, a single tear going down his cheek "I can't tell my parents, I can't…."


End file.
